Kapitän Schwandt: Soll Matt-Eagle ein Vorname sein?

Vorname Mett-Eagle? Manche Eltern finden: lecker! Wie die Gesellschaft für Deutsche Sprache (GfdS) in Wiesbaden mitteilt, werden Eltern bei der Suche nach einem Vornamen für den Nachwuchs immer erfindungsreicher. Und auch bekloppter. Aus diesem Grund ein Blick ins Ankerherz Archiv: Dieser Text von Kapitän Schwandt stammt aus seiner Biographie „Sturmwarnung„.

Vor Kurzem habe ich beim Frühstück vor Lachen den Kaffee über der Hamburger Morgenpost verschüttet. Grund war eine Meldung, in der Namen aufgelistet sind, die von deutschen Standesbeamten genehmigt wurden:

Erlaubt sind: Schokominza, Emilia-Extra, Blaubeere, Rapunzel, Milka, Sheriff, Ikea, ach ja, und Tarzan.

Abgelehnt wurden: Bierstübl, Gastritis, Störenfried und Nelkenheini.

Matt-Eagle wurde erlaubt.

Tatsache: Irgendwo da draußen gibt es einen laufenden Mett-Igel. Nachdem ich den Kaffeefleck beseitigt hatte, verging mir das Lachen. Was geht in Eltern vor, die sich solche Vornamen für ihre Kinder ausdenken? Dass manche Prominente oder solche, die sich dafür halten, in der Wahl neue Maßstäbe setzen, ist bekannt.

Der Vorname als Fanal

Franziska van Almsick taufte ihren Sohn „Don Hugo“. Heidi Klum und der Sänger Seal entschieden sich für „Henry Günther Ademola“, na bravo. Und die Ochsenknechts schießen mit „Wilson Gonzales“, „Cheyenne Savannah“ und „Jimi Blue“ den Vogel ab. Bavaria Blue und Dana Blue kannte ich schon vorher. Aber aus der Käse-Theke.

Wir leben in einer Zeit, in der viele Menschen aus einem als trist empfundenen Alltag ausbrechen wollen. Oder – wenn das nicht möglich ist – zumindest auf anderem Wege Individualität beweisen möchten. Anders ist es nicht zu erklären, warum sich Bürohengste Dämonen und Fabelwesen auf die Arme tätowieren lassen. Warum tropfenförmige Hausfrauen Leuchtmunition im Haar tragen oder sich Frührentner Altmetall durch die Nase schießen.

Manche Eltern möchten ihr Kind also „Atomfried“ rufen. Was im Unterschied zu „Solarfried“ übrigens abgelehnt wurde. Was kann aus solchen Kindern werden? Dass Jungen, die „Kevin“ heißen, von Lehrern verdächtigt werden, von Natur aus hohl zu sein, ist ebenso bekannt wie das Phänomen der „Chantalisierung des Abendlandes“: „Chantal, tuste ma der Oma winken?“ 

Methode Johnny Cash

Wenn der Vorname einiges über die gesellschaftliche Herkunft seines Trägers verrät – was sagt uns das über „Verleihnix Waldmeister“ (genehmigt)? Nix Gutes. Dein Weg, mein Sioux (genehmigt), wird ein steiniger sein.

„Guten Tag, mein Name ist Sheriff Sultan Nelkenheini Müller. Ich bin Ihr Bankberater“ – klingt das nach einer Zukunft? Ist es möglich, als Blaubeere abseits einer Eisdiele Karriere zu machen? Die Hänselei wird im Kindergarten beginnen und im Rentenalter enden.

Man kann nicht das Beste für sein Kind im Sinn haben, wenn man so danebenliegt. Mein Lieblingssänger Johnny Cash hat ein Lied über das Phänomen besungen. Ein Mann, der von seinem Vater mit dem Mädchennamen „Sue“ gestraft wurde, haut dem Erzeuger ordentlich eins in die Schnauze.

Ich mag den Song.

 

Die Biographie „Sturmwarnung“ von Kapitän Schwandt war ein SPIEGEL-Besteller. Es gibt sie ohne Versandkosten hier bei uns im Ankerherz Buchladen.

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[…] KAPITÄN SCHWANDT: SOLL MATT-EAGLE EIN VORNAME SEIN? […]
Das ist so eine Sache mit den Namen … – AS Nomads travelling Australia on Feb 24 2021